New World Revelation
by dragonheart3
Summary: England examines his relationship with America from the very beginning, and tries to figure out when and where things began to fall apart. USUK
1. Mistake

Hi everyone! I really don't write enough, and while I lurk the site I hardly publish anything. _ It's about time I submit something, and see if my writing is at least SOMEWHAT decent, or has improved over the past years. I absolutely LOVE USUK and I'm gonna try to write their angsty history out! I hope you like my take on it! (Even though it changes every day). It might be inaccurate or not cover everything, but I'm trying my best!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters.

BTW, this is supposed to have a sad undertone to it. Tell me if it works, kay?

**England's POV:**

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><p>I know exactly where I went wrong with you.<p>

Well, perhaps that phrase should be taken more lightly. I cannot pinpoint _exactly_ where I went wrong with you, or when what I had known had changed; I can only admit to discovering my mistake when it was too late, when you were out of my grasp.

It's funny how life has a way of throwing things back at you; in my younger days I was ruthless and apathetic to everyone around me; I had learned the hard way that to survive in this world, you must live under the basic conduct of kill or be killed. Conquer or be conquered.

Please do not misunderstand me. If I had known that my past would catch up to me and affect you, I would have taken greater care in raising you. But the problem is that my past is a part of me; the way I was raised affects the way I act, and the way I act at times cannot always be…explained, even to I.

I know you're thinking of my 'atrocities' during your little revolution, or even my pirate days (I regret the day you ever found out about those, despite the light that would flash behind your eyes in delight as I told those stories to you late at night, in hopes to inspire you; little did you know that they were bent backwards, they were painfully biased and even mended a little to not sound quite so gruesome, or show you how disgusting I really was), but I must assure you that they go further back beyond that. Please, forgive my sins a little, and look over my crimes to hear me out.

I was never raised as a child. My brothers hated me, going as far as sending me curses in the mail to display their emotions. Even though I was young, I had taken it in stride. I refused to show how those little acts had hurt me, and I hardened myself to the world. Soon I had come to hate them as well. I was naïve back then; loud, bratty, and always demanded what I wanted, even at a young age, regardless of others. I was hot headed, something I had picked up upon from my brothers. Perhaps this is why I can understand the way you act sometimes, because I can see myself in you. Please do not think that when I lecture you, I am lecturing you personally; more like I want to fix the mistakes before you make them. Believe it or not, but we were almost….similar. I will cherish this hidden fact to myself.

I was always alone, even that disgusting frog face France, the self-proclaimed 'Big Brother' was anything but the sort, and did not to ease the isolation or company that I desired (not that I wanted _his_). His and my rivalry date back to the 1000's, and that accursed date 1066. But I do not wish to think about that day in history, the only thing I have to say is that I became…much more demanding and angry after that.

Like any other nation, I've had my experience of civil war. It's crippling and painful, rather scary in itself, but I do not deny that one becomes older and more psychologically mature after that; however, obviously I was not mature enough to handle you, or even myself correctly. It was soon after around this time that I discovered my intense appreciation for sailing, or piracy, to be more specific.

To say that I bullied Spain would be an understatement. I…I had a sick hobby of constantly picking on him, destroying him, and breaking him down mentally. I was merciless; in fact, I would sometimes even encourage war between us, saying little things just to antagonize him, or smirking at him as we passed by in world meetings (which was mainly European countries. To us, we _were_ the world). I enjoyed that effect I had on people, spurring fear wherever I went. Even hatred did not bother me; it was directed at me all the time, and sometimes I reveled in it. I didn't need people. I didn't need friendship, or anything false inbetween. I only needed myself. I felt powerful. I was untouchable. Anything I wanted could be mine. It was around here I began to build my empire.

We had heard of the New World from Spain. Apparently, the Spanish were looking for a city of gold they heard about. Naturally, I wanted to search for it as well. For 'God, Glory, and Gold' I think Spain called it, and I don't deny that I rather agreed with that motto. I wanted to expand my empire, to control more parts of the world, establish my importance with everyone. I'd rub France's face into it. If I could, I'd go to a million wars with France, just so I could win a million times. Victory is sweet. Especially when against France. Then it's sweeter than his disgusting food he calls 'dessert'. How anyone can eat that without grimacing is beyond me. But I digress.

When I set sail to the New World, I could quite literally feel that France was close by. I could see him smirking across the channel, and the competitiveness in me would do anything just to wipe that ugly look off his face. It was a race. For the better empire, the better country, for the better man.

I don't know who got there first, but relations were tense between us; as always, if not tenser. We both wanted to bring the so-called 'riches' back home. I was hell bent on looking for that gold, and I daresay France was as well. We held a cordial agreement to alert the other if we found anything. But if that agreement would be kept, I wouldn't know.

In fact, we were both distracted by an update from Finland. I had forgotten that he was in the area too. He told us he discovered a little boy roaming the area unprotected, and was fearful the Netherlands would get him. I had always liked Finland. He was naturally caring towards others, and always seemed to want the best for others, without being greedy. However, I hadn't thought this at the time, it's only something I can appreciate now. Sometimes I wonder if Finland would have been the appropriate mentor over you. It pains me to think that he would have been the best choice amoung the three of us. I don't like to think about it.

Finland took France and I to where you were _(I wonder how you two met. Why didn't you attach yourself to him?)_. When I saw you, I knew right away that I wanted you. I admit, that I did not think of you when I saw you, I only thought of my competition with France, and how I wanted to spite him by winning this. Finland had left at this point, and I can't say I actually cared. The only thing I could think of was winning, and being triumphant over France.

You know how that day went.

It wasn't until I finally owned you, did it cross my mind what I was going to do with you. You looked at me expectantly with those beautiful bright blue eyes of yours, already calling me 'Brother' affectionately. I think it was then you had cracked something deep within me. My knees had felt weak, and suddenly everything I knew was lost to me. You hardly knew who I was, or what I stood for. You had no idea what my intentions were, yet you already trusted me. My face felt hot, and my stomach flopped. What was this feeling? I had never felt it before. It felt overwhelming and dizzy, yet light at the same time. I managed to mumble, "No need to be so formal. You may call me England."

I was awkward with you back then, this was obvious to even me. I had no idea how to handle you; you were just a child. I had never dealt with children before. Were you going to turn on me? I had felt this betrayal several times in the past, so I was quite familiar with the feeling. I was wary of you, hesitant, wondering if I'd need to use force to control you.

_(But I never did, at least, not until the very end)_

Your burning innocence left me speechless at times. You trusted me, and broke down all my barriers I set up to protect myself from others. I looked forward to seeing you, loving the feeling of you jumping into my arms when I visited you. I could hear as well as see the open adoration you had of me in your eyes and your voice. No one had ever spoken to me like that before; I've never had this relationship with anyone. It was tender, it was gentle, and it was warm.

_(Why did it go by so fast?)_

I cherished these days the most. After long, stressful times in Europe, I would often come to you to escape it all _(Europeans disgusted me; I always had to be suspicious of their hidden intent. They were never open with their feelings like you were). _When you were scared, I would hold you in my arms and murmur comforting words to you, as I dried your tears. At night, I would kiss your forehead before you went to sleep. When you were cold, I'd hold your small trembling body closer to me to keep you warm, and pull the blanket over us both. You'd snuggle closer to me, burying your head into my chest, your hair tickling my face. And I would whisper to you, no, _promise_ you, that I would always protect you, that you had nothing to be afraid of, because I'd always be there to fight off the monsters. And when you drifted off to sleep, I allowed myself to bring down my last barrier, and breath into your sleeping form,

_I love you._

I never thought I could be so happy.

When I had to go, the distressed look on your face would break my heart. You'd cry, beg, and _plead_ for me not to leave you. You melted my heart. I always dreaded leaving you; you were my sunshine. And that heartbroken look that took over your features would make me want to cry with you. But no, I had to keep myself together, because if I lost it, I don't know if I'd get it back. I kept a strong face around so you'd look up to me with your adoring blue eyes that I've come to love.

"_I have to go," I murmured softly into you ear as I held you close. A sob escaped from you, and you pressed yourself against me; I could feel your tears staining my clothes. You trembled softly. _

"_P-please don't. Don't leave me." You begged, your tiny hands clamping around my sleeve. I pried them gently from my sleeve and kissed your forehead. I held your tiny face in my hands, and rested my forehead against yours. _

"_I'll come back. Please be strong—for me."_

_You whimpered, and I gave you one last, tight hug before I departed. I waved to you from the ship, feeling like my face would crack from the sadness, forcing myself to smile for you. I knew I'd be back, but I didn't know when. _

This pattern continued for decades after.

You grew up quickly, must faster than I would have liked. I'd come back to see you, and you'd sprung up from my knees, to my hips, to my chest. I often despaired over this to myself; how much more childhood would I be missing out on? Somehow I knew I was letting you down, whether you realized it or not. Perhaps you've been alone for so long you wouldn't know anyway. I wish you were closer to me, so my visits wouldn't be so infrequent. The one thing I can say about Europe is that we're all packed in close to one another; our neighbors aren't far away. This is a blessing, and also a curse. How I wish I could just move my nation closer to you, away from these fools. I'd rather spend a day with you than a lifetime with them.

Conflicts over your land had been stirring between France and I since 1689. That damn frog can't help but stuff his nose in my business, can he? Our conflicting interests could have been the death of us, yet it never escalated that far. It was more of a chess game that expanded for centuries. You were a part of it—you would know.

_(I know you resented this at one point or another.)_

I never wanted you to be a part of that war; the so-called 'French and Indian' war. You were eager to defend your land, eager to fight; in fact you were so enthusiastic about the idea of raising an army I couldn't help but grow suspicious of you. I was harsh and firm at that time; I remember repeatedly telling you no over and over again. I was anxious—worried that you'd developed thoughts of leaving me. Thinking of this made me angry and terrified. I was determined to undertake this war on alone. I wanted to protect you, keep you away from all the harm and hurts of war, to preserve your innocence and faith in me. But you never faltered; you settled on joining this war and finally I grew exasperated enough to finally let you join in. There are no words to describe my terror of having you out there on the battlefield.

I kept you close to me at all times. And when you weren't with me, you were hiding somewhere safe while I took care of the enemy. This satisfied you for a time, until you wanted in. You wanted to take part in this directly. I nearly tore my hair out at this; why couldn't you be satisfied? Who was ever excited about taking part in war? But I was much older than you and much more tired; I nearly forgot my younger days of eager animosity. Hesitantly, I allowed you to join the front lines with me. To my surprise, you did quite well. I spent less time fretting over you, and more time concentrating on that bloody frog.

_(But all it takes is a minute for things to change.)_

When the bloody opposition finally left, I was panting for breath. I had been relishing in that feeling—the feeling of victory, of winning something. I was still running on adrenaline and I was grinning like a mad fool. It took me a while before I finally looked around for you. I scanned the area, dread starting to set in as I couldn't find you. I began calling your name nervously, moving from place to place, growing more and more anxious as I looked around.

_(Bodies were everywhere, and I could see your face on every one of them.)_

You were off in the distance lying on your back, gasping for breath. I don't think I could ever describe the panic I felt as I ran towards you.

_"Alfred. Alfred." I began chanting fearfully. I knelt down beside you, growing sick at the amount of blood that seeped through your clothes. I swallowed nervously; I didn't like the ragged breathing that was coming from you. _

_ "A-Arthur." You managed to croak quietly, my eyes flitting towards you in concern. I was absolutely terrified; I've never had anyone close to me injured so badly. I began peeling off your soaked clothes, biting hard on my lip as you cried out in pain when I accidently brushed your wound. You were sliced on your side by those damn savage tomahawks. You began to tremble now, gasping for air. Your fingers twitched restlessly, searching for something to grasp. My eyes burned looking at you—my boy, my sweet child, bleeding away in front of me. I was angry—at the frog, for engaging in this war; you, for pleading so desperately to take part in this war; and most of all, myself, for granting that wish, and not keeping my eyes on you. _

_ I gritted my teeth and lifted you in my arms, trying desperately to ignore the cries of pain that emitted from you as your wounds pulled in different directions. _

_(You felt so light at the time, almost as if you were going to fade away in my arms.)_

_ Night fell fast that day, and a candle was the only source of light that illuminated our tent. You were laid out on a bed, covered in sheets, sleeping restlessly. Your wounds had been bandaged; I had called for medical assistance immediately. Having rank in my own army reaped some benefits at least. I was seated in a chair next to you, taking care of you as best as I could. _

_ It was intimidating in that tent that night. I had been accustomed to silence, so usually it didn't bother me, but looking at you chased away any bit of comfort I had previously harbored. You were tossing and turning in your sleep, sweat beading at your forehead. I dipped the washcloth back into the cold bucket of water for the hundredth time that night, and placed it on your forehead. Nothing seemed to ease your pain. _

_ I stared at your young boyish face a lot that night. I couldn't help but feel a spout of uncontrollable panic when I noticed how pale your face was. Images flashed across my mind of what happened and what could have happened. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the mental pictures to go away, trying to refocus. I couldn't loose you. Even imaging your cold lifeless body was enough to leave a gaping hole in my chest and make me feel ill. I frowned at how much you've grown while I was away. You were reaching me in height, just a few inches shorter than me, but definitely catching up. Your skin was tan compared to mine, and your body was leaning out around the edges, losing the last traces of childhood. My eyebrows furrowed at the thought; I had completely missed it, hadn't I? I leaned in closer, and sudden desire made me touch your face, cupping the side of it. I brought my head down, brushing it against your forehead and closed my eyes. _

"_My boy…Why did you have to grow up so fast?" I murmured softy to your hair. I rubbed your cheek with my thumb gingerly, feeling the soft warm smoothness. _

_ A rustle in the tent made me whip my head around to see who was barging in. A glare took over my features to see who it was; I could never spend any alone time with my boy, could I? _

"_Prussia." I greeted through my teeth, returning my attention back to you. I crouched over you protectively, almost as if I was shielding you from him. My hand found it's way back to your face, stroking it gently._

"_So this is where you've been treating that boy, eh?" Prussia growled, taking a look around the tent. He frowned, his usual annoyed expression gracing his features. I ignored him, finding the question unworthy to answer. He walked around the tent, inspecting things as if he owned the goddamn place. I gritted my teeth. Just another fool from Europe. _

_ He approached us from behind, and I felt my body tense automatically. I turned to look at him hard. _

_ He looked over you with an expression of uninterest, and I felt the need to shield you from him rise again. _

"_Is there something you need?" I asked coldly, leaning over you protectively. _

_There was a pause, then he replied, "You can't keep him from the world forever." _

_My expression darkened; I didn't like where this was heading. "He's mine. He belongs to me. He's _my_ colony, and I can do as I please." _

_Prussia scoffed in cold amusement. "He's gonna want to see the world eventually, and there's nothing you can do to stop it once it happens." _

"_There's nothing to see in the world. I've already seen it all and there is nothing out there for him. The world is a cold place."_

_Prussia barked a laugh. "Nothing to see? It's the goddamn world! It sounds strange coming from you, an ex-pirate, the great almighty British Empire, claiming everything you touch." He paused, eyes full of mirth. "You're going to smother him, keeping him locked up like this. You're never going to let him see anything? You're sheltering him, England." He said, expression turning hard again. _

"_It's not sheltering," I said coldly. "I'm protecting him from vile people, the scum of the world, like you." _

_Prussia smirked. "He'll begin to question you, you know. He's gonna wonder why he never sees anything but his own borders. He'll want to know what lies beyond them. And _you_ won't be there to stop him when he does." _

_My gaze turned venomous and I jumped from my chair, fiercely looking Prussia in the face. I snapped, "You've said enough here! Stop uttering such filth in my presence, and get the bloody hell away from us. He's _my_ boy, and he will listen to _my _orders, and do as I please. You may take your leave now, as your presence was not needed in the first place." _

_Prussia laughed humorlessly, smirking. I wanted to wipe that look off his face with my fist. "You can't stop it, England. He's growing up."_

_My hand lashed out and grabbed him by the collar, bringing him closer to my face. "Get. Out." I growled. The bastard didn't even flinch. _

_A muffled hiss of pain broke the silence. You stirred softly, opening your eyes and blinked wearily. You struggled to sit up, but I released Prussia and immediately sat down in the chair and pushed you down gently. You whimpered softly; you just reopened your wound. I cursed softly under my breath, and leaned close to you, cupping your face in my hands. You were sweating again, and your breathing was labored painfully as you began to panic, feeling that gash reopen. Your eyes glanced around nervously, then squeezed shut as you choked back another silent cry. Your hands trembled as they reached out to touch me, so I leaned closer to your face, close enough to kiss you, and began murmuring soft words of comfort, stroking your face lightly. A few tears dotted the corner of your eyes, and I gently kissed them away, breathing soothing words to you. _

_I heard a soft 'tsk' from behind me, but ignored it. Footsteps retreated from us, and I've never been more relieved of a nuisance. The flap of the tent rustled, and then paused. _

_A voice whispered, "You're going to lose him eventually, England. You're going to lose every one of them." And he left. _

_My body tensed automatically, and I forced myself to relax. I returned my attention back to you fully. _

"_Who was that?" You questioned softly, looking tired and disoriented. _

_I looked down at you. Stroking your cheek softly, I murmured, "No one. Go back to sleep." You did so right away, relaxing immediately in my hands. You were exhausted. _

_When I was sure you were asleep, I held your face and tenderly kissed your forehead and cheeks slowly. I nuzzled my face against yours. _

"_I love you, Alfred." I murmured quietly. And all was silent. _

_(But nothing could stop the fear in my beating heart.) _

Tensions between us grew directly after.

I couldn't support myself properly after the war; I had run up a huge debt, and expected that you had to help pay the cost of the war. I had protected you, hadn't I? Without my help, the French and their Native Americans would have slaughtered you and our people. This isn't saying that I expect you to pay me for protection, because I would always protect you without hesitation, but I expected you to merely support the cost we had run up _together_ to protect ourselves from the damn frog. So I had declared a few taxes on our people. I was justified, wasn't I?

Besides, I had granted your wish to fight in the war alongside me, so wouldn't that make you even the tiniest bit grateful to me? Even though after that experience, I had secretly decided that you were not fit nor ready for any type of war anytime soon. I would always be there to protect you, so you wouldn't be needed to fight in such dangerous environments. And if that were the case, what was the point of keeping an army of untrained, unskilled colonists in the colonies, anyway? There weren't needed, and they simply costed too much. Should the need ever arise, we'd be prepared next time to collect taxes to support our British troops for protection. It's a win win situation, is it not? All your people have to do is support my troops through simple taxes and funds and you'd be granted protection. It's simple. After the conflict would pass, the taxes would cease.

You were increasingly stubborn around this time. I don't understand, hadn't I been completely lenient of you? You were being spoiled, I had decided. Obviously, I had not kept a good enough eye on you throughout the decades, so my so-called 'restrictions' as you would say, wouldn't feel so severe as I layed them out now.

To say that I hadn't been absolutely furious with you during the 'Boston Tea Party' would have been a lie. You were greatly running on my nerves during this time, and I was absolutely livid with you when I saw you that day on the docks. I had shouted your name out furiously, and I know you heard, because I saw your shocked mischievous face glance at mine, before you ducked away into the crowd.

At first I had try to dismiss your behavior as rebelliousness—it was something I could relate to, couldn't I? But you were young, you obviously did not understand the world like I did, or have seen the scenes as I have. You simply did not know, therefore you couldn't understand. I had spoiled you, and this stubborn act of rebellion had to be stopped. I was doing this for you, yet you couldn't understand that. I had ordered in more troops after that.

When I heard fighting had officially broke out at Lexington and Concord, I knew things were spiraling down fast. I reacted immediately—I would squelsh this act of utter nonsense immediately, before anything more broke out. You needed to be put in your place, and it was long past time I should have done it.

_(It would be easy, wouldn't it?)_

More than a year later, you had payed me a visit in person. I hadn't been seeing you a lot at that time, and it was only when you came to me I realized just how much I missed you.

_A knock on the door. I didn't look up. I was accustomed to the sound. Usually, it was an official or a messenger with news of the empire. I ignored it and continued at my work at my desk. _

_The door creaked open, and soft footsteps entered gently. I still hadn't looked up. I sat in silence, waiting for whoever it was to state their reason for entry or to leave whatever message on my desk like normal. When neither happened, I looked up. _

"_Alfred," I said, shocked. I paused in my writing, utterly confused. "What are you doing here?" I managed to ask. _

_You stood across the room looking almost shy, an unusual look across your normally bright and lively features. But I hadn't seen you in so long I hadn't even thought much of it. You were dressed formally, also odd, standing awkwardly by the door with your hands behind your back. You looked good, I had to admit. Perhaps it's because I hadn't seen you in so long and you weren't already running your mouth off I had thought so affectionately. I had a sudden desire to walk over and embrace you, something I hadn't done in a long time. You were just about my height at this point, you were more or less looking me directly in the eyes. You had managed to sprout another inch. _

"_Do come in," I said, waving you close as I stood up. You took a few steps closer to me tentatively, so I asked again, "What brings you all the way across the Atlantic?" Had you come to apologize for your stubborn rebelliousness? I wanted to smile then and there, because the thought of you taking responsibilities for your actions and behavior like a true gentleman would made me more than satisfied. I hadn't seen you properly in forever, nor had we talked much recently, so I was more than ready to forgive you for your behavior and move on. I wanted things to go back to the way they use to. _

"_I decided to see you in person one last time," You said softly, looking away from my eyes. You held your hands behind your back, and your eyes were down casted to the left. You spoke slowly, as if contemplating everything. I wasn't used to this from you. _

"_What do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing together confusedly. "What are you talking about?" The air was getting tense. I waited patiently. _

_You paused, thinking over something carefully, almost nervously. Your eyes flickered to the other side of the room, as if looking for something to focus on. Then slowly, they made their way up to my face, your blue eyes showing determination softly. _

"_I'm declaring independence from you." _

_I felt the air rush out of my lungs, and I felt like someone punched me in the gut. However, I showed nothing, and stood up to full height, staring at you back in the eyes. Your eyes flickered for the briefest amount of time. You seemed almost…fearful. Good._

"_What are you talking about," I asked coldly. It sounded more like a statement than an actual question. I could feel my eyes hardening up already, and I could feel my frown take its place. I stared at you, waiting for an answer. _

_You took a breath. "The colonists no longer wish to remain with the British Empire. My people feel King George III has treated them unjustly, and our natural rights have been denied. That being said, we believe a revolution—"_

"_Enough!" I barked. I couldn't believe my ears. "I've heard enough of this nonsense! First from the colonists and now you! You been acting completely out of line lately, and I've simply had enough of it!" _

_Anger flickered behind your eyes. "Out of line? Well perhaps if the British Empire actually cared about the wellbeing of its colonists and listened to their protests, then things wouldn't have to be this way!" _

_I slammed my hands down on the desk. "Things wouldn't have to be this way if you'd just followed my command! You have no idea what it's like to be an empire, Alfred!" _

"_Of course I don't! You barely even let me fight my place in the French and Indian war!" _

"_A place which you didn't belong! I sincerely regret allowing you to fight in that war! I've been far too lenient with you Alfred, and I can already see how much that's going to cost me. I've given you too much freedom."_

"_You haven't given me enough freedom! How am I supposed to understand when you won't even give me the experience I need to develop my own skills? Is it so bad to raise an army in the colonies so we can protect ourselves?"_

"_You don't need protection," I growled, leaning on my desk to glare at you. "You've already got me, and that's all you need." _

"_I don't want you to protect me!" You yelled, throwing your hands up in the air. I was taken aback. "I can protect myself! I don't need you protecting me like a little kid anymore, Arthur!" _

"_You are just a child," I responded coldly. "You don't know anything about the world or how it works, you've barely been around two centuries." _

"_Stop treating me like a kid," You said frostily. _

"_You are _my _colony, and you will do as I say. You were foolish to think of yourself as anything but. The British Empire will not tolerate—"_

_You were now at my desk, and this time you slammed your hands down on it. "I am _not_ your colony, and I refuse to be treated as such! Stop treating me like your brother, because I am _not._" _

_My blood ran cold. "Don't you dare talk to me like that! You belong to _me_, Alfred, and once you learn that maybe you'll stop parading around like the insolent brat you are!" _

_Your blue eyes hardened stonily. I've never seen this expression on you before. You leaned in closer then said, "I don't belong to you anymore, Arthur. And once _you_ learn that, maybe you'll realize that I'm not your little brother anymore, nor was I ever in the first place." And with that, you turned to leave. _

"_You are a fool!" I hissed. "I won't allow this!" _

_You turned halfway towards me. "I'm going to win or die trying." You said with such resolve, I almost believed it. You took another step away, then paused. Reaching into your coat, you pulled out a piece of parchment, and tossed it towards me. _

"_That's a copy of the Declaration. From now on, we're enemies." _

_I glared at you. "Don't think for a moment you will actually succeed." _

_But you didn't stop. _

_And I watched you go. _

The following years can only be accurately described as hell for me.

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><p>12 pages guys! Almost 6,000 words! Alright, so a dramatic ending, yeah? *laughs shakily* Well, I hope it isn't <em>too<em> dramatic, otherwise it'll just ruin it.

I actually wrote this a few months ago, and it was supposed to cover everything from the beginning to the end of the Revolution, but I just can't do it in one chapter (Well, I haven't exactly tried, but I'm tired of this sitting on my desktop. I want some feedback).

So, I'm gonna try to mix in some APH show stuff, and some actual historical stuff, but whenever I try to research stuff, things just end bad. So if stuff is wrong, please gently point it out to me. ^^

I'd absolutely LOVE it if you guys gave feedback on this! I've worked really hard, and I'd really like to hear what you guys think. Is the emotion okay? Is it too dramatic? Not enough?

**Please review~!**


	2. Break

Hey everyone! This took forever to continue. I hope it's good enough, this took a lot of effort. :P

Please read the Author's note at the bottom as well! It's really important. BTW, does anyone know what the hell I should classify this under? Drama? Hurt/comfort? Angst? Tragedy? Romance? I don't even know. It's a little bit of all.

Further into the Revolutionary War 3

**England's P.O.V.**

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><p>Frustration. Aggravation. Fury. Hurt. Anxiety. And a little bit of fear.<p>

A summary of my feelings in the beginning of the war.

You were always a stubborn child; generally obedient, but easily became a right nuisance when you wanted something.

Like the Seven Years War, or the French and Indian War, as you call it.

"_England." You said seriously, your blue eyes piercing into mine. Your hand tugged on my uniform firmly, and I was still getting over the shock of the formalities. My eyes flickered to your hands, slowly trailing their way back to your face. You stood fiercely, unwavering, and determined. _

"_I want to join the war."_

Or over something less important, like a horse.

"_That one!" You said cheerfully, standing on the fence, pointing to a small colt nibbling on a patch of grass._

_I grimaced. "Why that one, Alfred? It hasn't been broken in yet. There are plenty of other colts, ones that have been tamed. Why don't you choose one of them, instead?" I asked, pointing away._

_You shook your head resolutely. "No. That one. I want that one." You looked back at the colt, and I could see excitement, and another emotion I couldn't identify. Pride? Courage? Clearly, whatever it was, you were up for the challenge. I sighed, and purchased the horse. _

_(You often came back to the house beaten and battered, and I panicked and scolded you lightly over the horse. You ignored me, insisting you'd get it as I washed your bruised face and patched up your arm. I shouldn't have been surprised when you marched back in the house a few weeks later with a triumphant smile on your face.)_

Or even exploring.

"_Don't stand too close to the water, Alfred." I warned, half amused half serious by the boy's absolute curiosity. _

"_But I want to see the fish!" You replied adorably. I smiled, but remained tense, watching your small figure closely, while pretending to read my book. It was a lovely afternoon. _

_You peered further and further over the bank's edge. Right as I began to settle into my book, I heard a flick of water, a startled gasp, and a splash. _

"_Alfred?" I called in alarm, looking over to you. You were gone. I jumped to where you were, and peered over the edge anxiously. Spotting you quickly flailing in the water, I reached in and pulled you out by the collar of your gown. You were soaking wet, and already wailing into my shirt. _

"_There, there." I said comfortingly. I hugged you close to me, feeling you shiver despite the warm sun out, and you nuzzled you face into my chest, hiding your face, even though I could feel your small frame shuddering from crying. "I told you not to get so close to the edge." I scolded lightly. Even though everything happened so quickly, I could still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I held you closer. "I hope you learnt your lesson." _

_You hiccupped. " I just wanted to see the fish."_

"_Yes, well…I do hope it was worth it, seeing as you're soaking wet now. Are you satisfied?"_

_You whimpered a little, wiping your eyes, then nodded your head a little. I sighed. So stubborn._

"_Right then. Let's get you a bath now."_

I was pretty confident that this squirmish would be put out easily. I would have none of this. You were a ragtag army of farmers and workers on horses with guns. And to think you'd be up against the might of the British Empire?

Absurd.

You were more liable to shoot yourselves instead of the actual enemy.

I thought of you often throughout the war. Where you were, how you were doing, what were you doing…

What you were thinking.

I had hoped that I'd be able to subdue you within the first year, but it eventually spilled into the next. I was still confident that I'd win this, and I had just hoped you'd see your wrongs and realize that you wouldn't win. You couldn't. I wouldn't allow it. I had already dominated the waters with my naval superiority and captured American coastal cities. All I had to do now was to push in land and resubjugate the people. I had hoped you'd give up after a series of losses in the span of four months. I had even enlisted a few Indian tribes on my side to attack. There's no way you'd win.

_(I wanted to crush all your hopes before they sprouted into something far worse.)_

I remember seeing your army retreat in the middle of the night. I was only my horse, smirking at you and your soldiers. My men were cheering, yelling, and sneering at your soldiers as you left. I barked a laugh, turning away.

I was so cocky in the beginning I even took the time to be concerned over your well-being. I began to plan how to deal with you once you were firmly under my control, what new boundaries to set up, and what new safety precautions to lay down before something like this spilled over again. However I couldn't help but be annoyed by how well you managed to evade my grasp. I made sure my soldiers never shot at anyone with your distinct features. I ordered them to bring anyone who resembled you to me.

_I walked down a line of boys, all blonde hair, blue eyed. They were anywhere from the age of twelve to seventeen. They were frightened, as they should be, with my soldiers firmly holding them straight in line. A woman cried in the background, and was yelled at immediately. Families of the boys huddled together, holding their youngest closest. I ignored it, growing more and more irritable as I looked to the end of the line. _

"_No." I growled. None of them were you. A boy towards the end glared at the ground and struggled a bit in a soldier's arms, but wasn't able to break away. Interested, I walked over towards him slowly, and stopped right in front of him._

_He was about your age (or age-appearance, anyway) and he held that same look of determination you did. I stared at him calmly, inspecting him before feeling something snap. I punched him in the gut, and he doubled over, coughing and gasping, and he collapsed to the ground, slipping out of the soldier's grip. I grabbed his face with my hand and forced him to look at me. Young. Strongly built. Determined._

_What a waste. _

"_Do you honestly think you can win this, hmm?" I asked him, searching his eyes for an answer. I was actually making comparisons between him and you. Except for a few facial features and other small differences, you both were similar. I vaguely wondered if you'd met. You'd probably be friends. _

_Anger bubbled in my chest at the thought of this, and I shook the boy. "Well do you?" I yelled. "Answer me, dammit!" I slapped him._

_He was panting, and his features twisted into absolute hatred as he looked at me. I stared at him in shock, recoiling a little. I could see your face mirroring his, glaring at me like that._

_Hatred._

(Why do I feel so cold?)

_Had this what it had come to? I suddenly felt a pang of fear shoot through my chest, and I dropped my grip from his face, not even fully registering him collapse at my feet. My eyes glazed over, unfocusing. _

_I squeezed my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose. "No. None of them are him!" I barked angrily, turning away. I marched back to my horse when one of my men caught up to me._

"_Sir? What do you want us to do with them?" The soldier asked, referring to the boys. _

'_Shoot them' was on the tip of my tongue, but I hesitated; I sneaked a glance back at the line of boys. Most of them were frightened, looking around nervously. The boy on the end was being jerked up, back to a standing position. He swayed on his feet, doubled over slightly. So much youth. So much energy. So much potential._

_Your face flashed in my mind, and I squeezed my eyes together, trying to shake the image out. "Take them prisoner." I ordered, mounting on my horse. _

_I placed my hat back on, slipping back into a mask of cool, calm indifference, and watched as my men barked the orders and rounded up the families and boys. I closed my eyes and inhaled. A sudden crash broke out, followed by several more, and I opened them to see what was going on. The soldiers were breaking the windows of the houses, and throwing torches into them, burning them. They began to burn the fields as well, and I opened my mouth to stop them, then closed it slowly. _

_Burning the land was going to hurt you, I had realized. I watched the flames start slowly, licking the edges of the field, before catching on when the wind picked up. I couldn't help but feel a bit satisfied; still a touch of fear and concern over burning the land, but also satisfied and a little bit smug. _

_This was going to hurt you, but not nearly as much as you hurt me. _

1778 was shaping up to be a terrible year.

A world meeting had been scheduled sometime in January that year, and contained mostly European countries and their colonies.

Naturally, I was outraged.

"_What is he doing here?" I objected at the European countries while pointing a finger at you. You looked perplexed, stunned to see confrontation when the meeting had barely began. _

"_He shouldn't be at this table, he is _my_ colony, and should be seated with the other colonies _over there_." I said, indicating to the other side of the room, where other countries' colonies had resided. I was fuming, and nobody seemed to realize how ridiculous this was. _

"_I have a right to be here just like everyone else!" You objected, offended. _

"_You have no right to be here, you are still my colony!" I hissed back, slamming my fist on the table. _

"_That is not true, _Angleterre, _as I recall he declared his independence from you years ago." France's voice floated in. I felt my face go dark as I turned to give him a murderous glare. _

"_Don't you dare stick your nose where it doesn't belong, _frog_, you have no place in this conversation." I spat. His smirk merely darkened, and I clutched at the fabrics of the table cloth to prevent myself from murdering the idiot already. My blood was absolutely boiling, I was ready to rip his disgusting head off, and free the world from his vile presence. However, my eyes flickered towards you._

"_We are behind schedule," Austria's voice cut in. He was obviously annoyed by the set back, but I couldn't give a damn. "We need to begin so we can get this over with, and behave accordingly like the civilized nations we are." His gaze slid to mine haughtily, and I glared. _

"_I believe we should allow him right to seat here until the war unfolds." Hungary said, clearly interested with this turn of events. I scowled at her, but she paid me no mind; too busy looking at you up and down. _

'Stop looking at him, he's mine!' _I wanted to bark then, but I bit my tongue as you nervously slid into your chair. The meeting began, and I narrowed my eyes at you. _

_The meeting was dull as usual, no one could seem to cooperate on anything. You sat tall and attentive; in any other case I would be proud, but here I found myself seething. I glanced back towards Germany, who was talking about something of supposed importance, but I didn't bother paying attention, not when I had more important matters to attend to. _

_My gaze shifted down the table, towards that frog idiot. I gritted my teeth as I realized he was looking at you, almost as if he was contemplating something. I clenched my hands into fists under the table, and inhaled a breath, attempting to cool off. He glanced at me, and something must have tipped him off, because he sneered at me and leaned forward on the table to get a better look at you. You caught his gaze, and gave him a smile small, and your eyes communicated with him a message I couldn't read. France smiled back, and something in my chest snapped. _

_The tablecloth in my hands had ripped, and my fists were shaking with rage. The table had only shifted slightly because of this, and I knew France was aware what happened, because he shifted his wine glass a centimeter and smiled warmly at you. _

_This was going to be a long meeting, I finally realized. _

We were given a break sometime later, and France swayed over to you and placed an arm familiarly around your shoulder, dragging you closer to him. You stumbled a bit, but fell to him tightly against his torso, looking up at him questionably. He leaned closer to your head, bending slightly, and peeked at me through his hair. I felt my face twist into a scowl unconsciously, and he smirked, and proceeded to whisper something in your ear. I gritted my teeth and turned away. This was absolutely ridiculous.

He was taunting me. Dangling you right in front of me, challenging me to do something. What was this dark feeling in my chest? It felt so heavy, yet so invigorating at the same time. I was ready to fight, reading to start a war, ready to punch that frog's lights out and beat him to death.

It was suddenly so hot; why was it so hot?

I hadn't even realized I had been pacing around the long corridors until I heard a grandfather clock chime somewhere—ten minutes until the meeting picked back up again. I wasn't even hungry, and my angry pacing hadn't done much to clear my thoughts either. I was about to round another corner briskly when I heard a familiar voice drift down the hallway. I tucked myself away from sight, listening intently.

"Espagne, _just consider it. The possibilities are right in front of you, _mon ami._"_

"_I…will have to consider it, _amigo. _I am concerned this will inspire something similar within my own empire. Perhaps…_voy a pensar en ello." _The Spanish speaking nation replied. _

_I gritted my teeth, pressing myself even further against the wall as the two nations walked by unknowingly. I had no idea what they were talking about, but it didn't sound good. Nothing from those two could be trusted. I waited until their footsteps faded away before stepping out into the corridor, taking off in the opposite direction. _

_I had picked up pace, trying to put together what I had heard when you rounded the corner in front of me. You gasped softly, coming to a complete halt, freezing right in front of me. _

_I froze as well, I had barely seen you in the past two years, and now was the only time to take a good look at you, and absorb everything I've missed. You were nearly my height, standing straight up tall in your uniform. I couldn't be certain, but it almost looked like your clenched fists were shaking. Time slowed, and we stared at each other for a few moments longer. _

"_Alfred," I said, breaking out of my reverie. You flinched visibly, and I couldn't help but feel a little bit hurt by that. I ignored it, continuing with a neutral look and a level voice. "It's been a while." I continued, and could not help but feel a bit smug by this. The last time I had seen you, you were retreating. _

_You jutted your chin out, almost defiantly. "Not really." You disagreed. "I hadn't even noticed."_

_I sighed and took a step closer, ignoring you tense up at the action. You were so stubborn; must you contradict everything I say? I moved closer to you, closing the space between us despite you taking a step back. I cupped my hands around your face and rested my forehead against yours, closing my eyes and allowing myself to relax, to take in your familiar scent. You stopped breathing apprehensively. _

"_Always on the attack," I murmured. I opened my eyes. "How have you been?"_

_You clenched your teeth. "As well as anyone who's been in a war for three years." You said angrily. _

"_Two," I corrected. It hadn't really started until that silly declaration. "And you started it. Had you only listened to be and _trusted_ me, we wouldn't be in this situation right now."_

_You scowled, and jerked out of my grasp. I frowned. "We've already been through this! You know why I've declared independence from you, and I don't intend to continue repeating my self."_

_I sighed, blowing off the slight pain in my chest as you said that. I was beginning to become annoyed. "Just give up—you know you can't win. Give up now, and plenty of lives will be spared. You don't really want innocent people dying over such a silly matter, do you? Just quit, it's nothing to be ashamed of—in fact I'd consider it more noble, doing the right thing like a hero, and everything will end peacefully and bloodlessly."_

"_England!" You said frustratedly. "I'm doing the right thing—what's best for my people. We are defending our natural rights; something you've completely stomped over."_

_Anger began to bubble in my chest. "I am doing no such thing! I am merely protecting my consitution against usurpers, such as yourself. Don't try to twist my actions around!"_

"_I am twisting nothing around, but merely stating the truth."_

"_How can you know the truth when you don't even know the world; what's in it, what lies within it, what lurks beneath the surface. You're hardly two centuries, stop acting like you know everything." I replied coldly. _

_You glared, clenching your jaw. I sighed, taking another step closer, holding my hand out to reach to your face. You took a step back. I stared coldly at you. _

_Recollecting myself, I stated, "The British Empire is offering a proposal of reconciliation to the thirteen colonies. A peace treaty can be established, and relations can continue as before, if not better. All past actions will be forgiven." I held my hand out as extension. _

_Your blue eyes pierced into me, staring me up and down, searching for something. I gave you a cool, calm, leveled look, hoping whatever you were looking for was there. You could trust me; I was being completely sincere. _

_I was ready for you to come home. _

_You looked down, your beautiful blue eyes fluttering for a minute. They moved back and forth, and I couldn't figure out what was going on through your head. Finally, you looked back at me, whatever internal chaos going on in your head gone. _

_You bowed slightly, then stood up tall. "Thank you, but the United States of America kindly refuses." You stated clearly, and I felt my arm go heavy, dropping slightly. "Best wishes to the British Empire; have a good day." And with that, you brushed past me, continuing back towards the meeting room. _

_I stared back at you in utter shock. _

_There were no words._

The war continued.

As much as I tried to console myself, I couldn't help but feel the growing pit of dread in my stomach.

That bastard France allied himself with you, and the next year he managed to rope Spain as an informal ally as well.

I was quickly becoming alarmed; rumors were flying everywhere that the French and the Spanish were planning to invade my island. They were sour bastards, the lot of them. While it is not referred to, what started as a simple little skirmish in your land had eventually erupted in to the first global war. Before I knew it, my hands were tied in different locations around the globe. I suppose I should have expected that, after gaining so much territory. But I was soon finding myself in a difficult place when war erupted in European waters, the West Indies, the Gulf Coast, and the Midwest. I started to realize that I had no allies, no friends, no one to rely on.

Enemies everywhere I looked.

The world suddenly felt very cold.

All because of a spoiled bunch of yanks causing trouble.

With this reasoning, I eventually dedicated myself to the root of the problem.

You.

I left my men to take care of the other fronts, while I'd tackle the American colonies. I've never been so angry, so I didn't know what I'd do with you when I found you.

I never did.

_I was restless. A constant companion throughout this whole mess. After tossing and turning in my bunk, I threw off the makeshift blanket and tugged on my boots, walking outside the tent. _

"_Sir?" My soldier questioned to me, standing guard dutifully. He looked startled, obviously not expecting any activity in the middle of the night. _

"_Sh." I shushed him. I'm threw some items in a pouch, slinging them over my shoulder. "I'll be going on a separate mission. Alone. Don't be alarmed if I don't come back in a few days. Tell the other men in the morning. They'll take care of it." I ordered as I mounted my horse. _

_The soldier boy raised an arm salute. I saluted back. However, before I left I paused, and instructed him, "Whatever you do, don't stop fighting. Am I perfectly clear?"_

"_Understood, sir."_

_Satisfied, I took off into the night. _

_A heavy feeling sat on my chest the next morning, and I continued traveling, allowing the feeling to lead me. I felt a spark of anticipation and excitement. Could it be? I traveled the whole day until it was well into the night. A soft pounding was in the back of my head, and I dismounted my horse, traveling by foot. _

_I reached the border of a camp when I saw him. Disappointment ran through my veins like a cold bucket of water. I crouched low, grinding my teeth together angrily, gripping the leaves of a small tree. _Relax, _I reminded myself. It would not do to lose it so close. _

_He suddenly raised his head, alarmed. Looking around, a few bystanders asked him something that I couldn't make out. It wasn't English. He nodded, mumbling something back before standing up. He came closer to me; he couldn't see me, but he was edging out of the camp. _

_He shuffled around half blindly through the thick forestry. He began whispering out anxiously. _

"_Antonio? Alfred? Who's there?"_

_I began to see red when I heard him call out your name so familiarly. Who was he, to act so familiar, when he knew nothing? He knew nothing of our relationship, and the fact that he used your human name so easily infuriated me. _

(Punishment. I had to punish him. You were mine. Mine. _Mine_. My personal light. My joy. My little bird. My happiness. It makes perfect sense to protect something by caging it. He just wants to take you away from me. I don't want to show you to the world, you might be stolen away. Stolen away by someone like _him. He_ wouldn't treat you right, you'd just be trophy, a knick-knack, a whore, a _nothing—)_

_The branch I was gripping snapped, and he whipped his head to look in my direction. _

"_Alfred?" He called out cautiously. _

_I lost it. I fucking jumped that French arsehole, wrapping my fingers around his throat and tackling him to the ground. We were far enough away from the camp that no one would hear. _

"_France." I snarled, landing a swift punch to his face. I tightened my grip around his throat, feeling him choke beneath me. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of his patheticness. I've waited for this moment for so long._

"_What in the bloody fuck are you doing in this war?" I hissed at him. "You have no business in my affairs with my colonies, and as I own most of the land on this godforsaken continent, I don't know why the hell you're even here."_

_I loosened my grip, allowing him some air to reply. He merely sneered at me. "What's wrong, _Angleterre, _can't even handle a small uprising from your colonies? You know what they say: The bigger they are, the harder they fall." He spat in my face. _

_Disgusted and furious, I wiped away the saliva from my face and began to beat him in every area available. _

"_Everything was perfectly fine until you slinked by. I could have perfectly handled everything, but you damn Europeans always have to meddle, don't you? I won this land fair and square, so why the fuck you guy insist on whining and crying over your sorry arses is beyond me."_

_France's face turned into a scowl. "Don't talk as if you aren't one of us, English scum. And you can't continue acting as though everything is under control, can you? You have too much area to cover around the globe to protect. Try as you may, but something is going to slip through your grasp." By this the frog was smirking again. _

_My face twisted into anger. I tightened my grip, not even feeling pleased when France began to choke before me. Tighter, tighter, I kept telling myself. I hated this man. I hate him so much. I hate him, his country, and everything he represents. I just wanted to choke the life out of him slowly and painfully. _

_A fist came flying towards my face before I could react. It caught me in the ear, and soon I was wrestled off of the Frenchman. He pinned my arms above my head and sat on top of me despite my struggling. His face was furious as well, and it twisted into something darker and he leaned forward to whisper to me. _

"Je vous déteste. Je déteste tellement." _He began chanting in my ear. I writhed around, refusing to listen._

"_English, you bastard!" I yelled. "I refuse to speak or listen to that disgusting language of yours!" _

_Pinning my wrists together above my head, he gripped my face and forced me to look at him. "You've taken away something very precious to me. I can never forgive you for that." He hissed darkly._

_My eyes widened of their own accord. I felt a sick taste of bile rise in the back of my throat. _

"_My precious _petite colonie_, my little Matthieu…" He trailed off, eyes becoming unfocused, staring at something above my head sorrowfully. It only lasted a moment, and the next second he tightened his grip around my wrists and glared murderously at me. _

"_You've taken away my little boy, _mon rayon de soleil, _and it is only fair that I take away yours." He hissed. He lifted me up and punched me in the gut, forcing all the air out of my lungs, causing me to double over in pain, gasping for breath. I stumbled to the side when he struck me again. I looked up as he wiped blood from his mouth. His gaze targeted mine angrily. I met it back, just as angry, but also a bit of fear flooding into my chest. _

(My boy, my love, my treasure, my escape from the world—)

"_I am going to make you pay!" France snarled as he pulled out his sword and swung to hit me. I narrowly dodged it, feeling my adrenaline pick up. I hastily pulled my own out as well, and our swords clashed furiously, echoing in the silent night. He swung, I parried, he struck again, I redirected it, I cut his hair, he sliced my arm, I struck out elsewhere, he ducked—_

_Shouting from the camp broke through our fight. France responded quickly in a flurry of French that I didn't bother to stick around for. I bolted towards my horse, my heart pounding in my ears as the French began rushing towards their comrade. Just as I mounted my horse I heard a brief shout, and a bullet whizzed by, cutting through a bush, startling a few animals. _

_I quickly kicked my horse into action, and we took off into the night. I felt a searing pain knick my shoulder and I gasped, but I didn't look back, and just kicked the horse to go faster, faster…_

Things were falling apart. I could no longer deny it at this point. We were at war with the Dutch now because they violated claims of neutrality.

We were at war around the globe.

_(He was aiding you, giving you guns, ammunition, supplies, thinking I wouldn't find out. He wants me gone, out of the way, just another fucking European to deal with.)_

My king even sent a letter across the Atlantic to me. My blood turned to ice as I scanned through it again and again.

"_Great Britain will officially give up hope of subduing the New England colonies when there is a European war to fight. _

_However we will never acknowledge the independence of the Americans._

_We will punish their rebelliousness by prolonging the war into eternity. _

_We will destroy coasting trade, bombard all ports, and sack and burn every town along the coast._

_We will turn lose the Native Americans to attack the civilians. _

_We will keep the rebels harassed, anxious, and poor until discontent, and the disappointment will turn into regret and remorse over their actions. _

_Great Britain plans to resubjugate its rebellious colonies after dealing with its European allies." _

I felt a lot of emotions after this letter, however thinking back, I don't know if I can identify all of them. Dread? Anxiety? Fear? Concern?

Humiliation? Disgrace? Shame? Horror?

Smug? Vengeful? Angry? Arrogant?

Is it even possible to feel all this at once?

Well if we were going to drag out this war, then by God we'd drag it out.

I don't like thinking back to this part much, remembering how much of a barbarian I acted like. I led my men into town after town, farm after farm, taking everyone prisoner, shooting anyone who resisted, and leaving the place in flames. The feeling of being untouchable and powerful returned, and for a brief amount of time, I felt good when I saw terror strike the faces of colonists as they recognized me, and how they grew to fear the men in red.

Lobsterbacks?

Don't make me laugh.

But time wore on, and I hadn't seen you _at all_ throughout the war.

_(Where were you? Why were you hiding? Were you hiding from me? Why won't you let me see you?_

_I need to see you. I just need to know you're somewhere, anywhere, just _please_ contact me, I want to hear your voice. )_

I began to imagine horrid things, jumping to conclusions late at night, biting my nails and sweating over the unknown. Were you hurt? Were you injured? Were you eating well, getting the appropriate amount of sleep? I was tearing my hair out. That bastard frog didn't try anything, did he? I felt my protectiveness slip on, and I had to calm myself multiple times just to think clearly and act rationally.

I began to wake up.

I looked behind me, and the good all-powerful feeling had completely rotted away. I saw burning buildings, broken families, young dead soldiers littering the road, an air of despair, horror, agony, and….

Hatred.

_(I was a monster, a monster, a monster, a fucking monster, a monster—)_

I threw up.

When had things escalated this far? Where did my lovely little boy go? Those soft smiles and adoring looks that we gave each other? Those summer nights and winter days, those affectionate kisses and loving hugs, where did it go?

(Our relationship burned, _burned,_ just like the remainders of that church over there.)

And then it all boiled down to _that_ day.

_The clouds rolled in, looming over the town, giving a sense of apprehension. _

I still remember the moment Cornwallis turned to me and uttered those four words:

"_The situation is hopeless."_

My blood turned to ice.

_Soon your troops were cheering, throwing their hats in the rain, marching around and hugging one another. That man, Washington, called order and began leading them away in the rain. I gripped the window sill. _

_This could not be happening. _

_I cannot express what I was feeling in that moment; my head was spinning, and I vaguely remember crushing the wood beneath my fingers, not even feeling the wood slash my fingers. Your troops began walking away; marching out of the vicinity, back to celebrate to God knows where. _

_I gritted my teeth, tasting blood in the back of my throat. I couldn't help my temper and spun around on Cornwallis. "How could you? How could you let the situation escalate this far? This is an absolute disgrace to the empire!" I shouted furiously. I grabbed my musket despite the shocked protests and burst out the door, following your troops. Blood pounded in my ears as I gained ground, coming closer. I recognized your figure immediately, trailing in the back._

"_Alfred!" I shouted. It was becoming increasingly difficult to see; the rain began pouring in gallons and the air dropped to freezing, it was absolutely a nightmare running in the mud. _

_You stiffened, and turned around. Several lines of men stopped to look behind, and eventually the whole troop stopped walking completely. You were absolutely alarmed. _

_I pointed my musket at you nonetheless; I knew exactly how hopeless the situation was. I was here alone. A redcoat in a sea of blue. _

"_I'll be damned if this is over! I'll never let you go, Alfred!" I roared across the few yards of mud in between us. I clenched my musket tighter. _

_You visibly clenched your teeth, and raised your musket to me defensively. "All I want is freedom! I am no longer a child nor your little brother. I'm becoming independent from you from now on!" _

_Each word was a knife to my heart. I could feel a dull pounding in the back of my head, steadily growing louder and louder. My throat constricted. My chest ached, like a gaping whole was tearing its way through, making it difficult to breath. This could not be happening. This could not be happening. _

_My body acted of its own accord; I charged at you, musket out, not even processing what I was doing. "I won't bloody allow it!" I screamed._

_Surprise couldn't ever express the emotion on your face. You were so caught off guard you lowered your musket in shock and just barely managed to catch my weapon in the center of yours. I forced you back a foot, and soon you lost your grip and the musket flew out of your hands a few yards away. You stared in horror down the barrel of my gun. Slowly, your ice blue eyes found their way back to mine. I was out of breath, panting for air. I gripped my musket so hard it began to crack between my fingers. I glared lividly at you. _

"_You idiot! You just had to bloody well follow this through to the end!" _

_I panted heavily. My head was racing and my heart was pounding furiously. A tight knot found its way in my stomach, and I swallowed back bile. The need to throw up was rising again. You stared at me uncertainly, a look of betrayal, hurt, and sadness etching its way across your features._

(After all we've been through, all the love we shared, here we are, standing on two opposite sides of a war.)

_Why did that affect me so much? Why do I care? Why do you mean so much to me?_

_I trembled, and the musket slipped through my fingers. I fell to my knees, already sobbing before I touched the ground. The mud sloshed beneath me, and I covered my face in shame, barely managing to choke out softly, "I can't. I can't shoot you. I can't."_

(Please, please. Don't leave me.)

"_Why?" I croaked. "Why did it have to be this way?" My body shuddered, and I curled in on myself further, gasping for air in between sobs. _

(Why did you change? What happened? Where did I go wrong?)

_You took a hesitant step closer, then paused. You stepped back. Softly, a low murmur, a whisper in the wind, _

"_You used to be so great…"_

(Shatter.)

_You were gone. _

_I was alone. _

(This feeling of hollowness, eating my insides, choking my soul, what is this?)

_I screamed, but there was no one there to here it. The rain drowned out everything. I held my head, and curled in on myself. My chest hurt, I couldn't breath. I hugged myself, bringing my knees to my chest, gasping for air. There's a hole, a gaping hole in my chest, I can't breathe. No matter how I cover it, it won't go away. The rain is cold, it's falling in buckets, and here I am, choking, drowning, suffocating—_

_Where are you? Where did you go? Why did you leave me?_

(Is this what loneliness feels like? I feel so cold. I can't breathe. I just want to sleep.)

_Alfred…_

(A flash of your childish face, smiling.)

_Alfred…_

(You tucked safely and warmly away in my chest, slowly falling asleep under the blankets.)

_Alfred._

(Your hand reaching out to mine, calling my name as we walk home.)

Gone. Out of my grasp. My treasure, my personal light, my little bird.

Gone.

Slipped away.

* * *

><p>Well, that's the end of the Revolutionary War. Anyone detect feelings of possessiveness and jealousy in England? ,':D<p>

This was really hard to write guys, I'm sorry it took so long. But with life, no inspiration, and no motivation, this was really difficult to write. I'm not even sure I like it. I constantly thought about it, where to go next, trying to dissect Alfred and Arthur's relationship, but everything became a jumble in my head, and eventually some stuff was lost. It's really hard to write emotions into words. I could never seem to successfully transfer what was in my head to on the computer. Plus I kept trying to fuse ACTUAL HISTORY with Himaruya's Hetalia (which, I know, is not always correct), but I wanted to mix history, Hetalia's canon, and my own headcanon. It was kinda hard. :/

So I don't know if anyone actual read that ramble up there, but **PLEASE READ THIS because I need some opinions.**

So we all know that the USUK relationship has Unresolved Sexual Tension, yeah? Well I'm constantly trying to figure out _where does it end? _Some people like to have it end after WWII, on VE Day. Others like to extend it out to present modern day. Personally, I like to think they got over it after WWII (because extending further than that is just excessive!) but if I were to continue with their UST/relationship history in this story, where should I stop? Because I'm planning to end this where they both get over their insecurities and start an actual relationship. But if they get over it after WWII, we're cutting out all the Cold War stuff. But if we extend it (I still find this excessive), their UST will continue on to present day BUT I'll get to cover the Cold War. **So what do you guys think?**

But this is assuming that I'm going to continue this. Frankly, writing this is exhausting, and researching history is sometimes difficult to understand and then write about accurately, _and then_ transferring it into a decent APH universe story.

I might just take a break. Plus, I'm also playing with the idea of writing Alfred's P.O.V. as a separate companion story. What do you think?

**Please review! All reviews are very much appreciated. After putting so much effort I'd really love to hear your thoughts and opinions!**


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